While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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