girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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