im drinking this country out of the recession.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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