end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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