youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
