Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
