Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize