I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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