the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
