Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
