Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize