i think my mom watched the whole time
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
