i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
