all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
