I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
