I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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