all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
