im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
