so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
