Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
