My liver just broke up with me...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
