Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drake has all the answers
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
