omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize