I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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