the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize