I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The best revenge is premature balding
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Alive.
So much puke
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
