I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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