Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
