i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
