nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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