The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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