drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
