Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
