My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need moral support for this bender
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
