But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
