im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
