I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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