I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
