the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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