If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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