Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
