I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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