Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
