I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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