I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
