Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
