The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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