My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
