she woke up with a sticky ear
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
