When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
