Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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