saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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