you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
