So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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