there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
