aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
