The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize