Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
