why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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