video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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