Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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