I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
