Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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