i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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