Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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