I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
