Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
