Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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