This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
