I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
